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Saturday, 11 August 2007

RIDICULOUSLY TOO LONG!

I am back!

Not for a long entry...But I do want you to know that I finally bought my sister the book (Love an Respect) to replace the one she loaned me. I know that I mentioned that it is the book of the year for Family Christian Bookstores, but I don't think at the time I knew that it came with a DVD.

Last weekend my husband and I got to watch the DVD. It is really good. It takes you through the first part of the book (so you don't have to read it!!). It explains the crazy cycle and pink/blue glasses, hearing aids, etc. really well. He explains why it is not only important for us to get this, but to teach it to our kids so the divorce rate GOES DOWN and family GOES UP!!

There are also 'weekly videos' at the end. I guess they are also featured on the website. Forgive me for not having the website address for you right here...but, search Emerson Eggerich or the book and you will find the site. I only had the time to see one of the shorts and it was awesome. It really made me think.

We are doing really well. More ups than downs. I hope you all are too!

Tuesday, 08 May 2007

LAPTOP CONNECTED, 1 chapter left in part 1

Yep, that's the news from around here. I am SO incredibly excited that my laptop is online! It's been since before Easter. I honestly can't believe I survived. That shows me how addicted I really was. I hope to control it this time, however, there is SO much to say about this book.
First of all the concept SEEMS so elementary after you 'get it' (which takes some time), but even after that it's REALLY HARD to apply. When I started the book I was VERY angry with my husband. My 'other sister' who had read the book would try to share the principals with me, much like I am here with you. I thought she was crazy. Even after I got the book myself AND recommended it to a friend...NUTS, I tell ya! IMPOSSIBLE! I could not possibly respect him, he was an A$$! He didn't deserve it. My thoughts were constantly cruel and rude. My "OT" encouraged me to stop being disrespectful every time. I think she and I had our own 'crazy cycle."
Every thing has it's proper time. This book (and a few others I have read this past year) have showed me that sometimes you have to take a bite, chew, and chew, and chew. When you're ready, you'll swallow and take another bite.
I am doing MUCH better on the respect aspect and he is learning the love part. It's a process....

Thursday, 03 May 2007

Currently Reading
Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
By Emerson Eggerichs
see related
Back on track...I promise this time!

OK...it has been far too long since I have posted on this site. I apologize. The truth is that my laptop is no longer internet compatible and I have to use the computer downstairs for everything. I know, I shouldn't whine, but, it does reduce my internet time to when I'm doing laundry. Honestly, I haven't read ANYONES posts since I got back from vacation a month ago. That includes my other site. Friends were due to have babies...I have no idea when they had them or how they are doing. I feel awful, but I HAVE been taking care of things around my house. (this includes trying to get that laptop back online!! ) It also includes READING my marriage improvement books.
After completing my last book, I started Gary Chapman's "The 5 Love Languages." Many of you probably have read it. It was a good book. Not really THAT applicable to me right now. I should have read it 2 years ago, maybe we wouldn't have got to the situation we were in. I do recommend it. I got to know myself much better. Doing the survey online wasn't enough for me. I needed further explanation of the 5 languages. If anyone has any questions or would like more information about the book, I would be happy to discuss it. I underlined PLEANTY of places that spoke to me. I especially liked the end of the chapter 'assignments'. It showed you ways to spend quality time together. Yeah, some of them were hokey, but with a little tweaking, any of them could be used and appreciated by someone!!
As I mentioned, that book wasn't really what I (we) need right now. I was left hungry, which is EXACTLY what I did need. So, I picked up Emerson's book again. I wasn't able to put it down for days. I did finally put it down when I thought that I got too much information to start applying. Then I found that I only have 2 more chapters until Part 1 ends. So, I intend on completing those this weekend.
I have even shared what I am learning with my husband. He likes it. There is A LOT for a man in this book. However, I have also heard that if you follow what the book encourages, they will pick the book up themselves. I am just the type to share what I am learning...whatever it is. We had an excellent discussion.
I will be sharing the stuff I learned with you SOON. I will continue my usual format of putting my words in RED and the words/paraphrases/advise from the book in BLACK. Until then, please try keep RESPECTING YOUR HUSBANDS. You won't believe how important it is.
Yes, it is work. Do you know why it is so hard? Do you know why God commanded woman to do this? (Eph 5:33) BECAUSE IT DOES NOT COME NATRUALLY FOR US. Nor does LOVING for him.
That's why we have so much trouble with it. Keep looking for things to respect him about. Try NOT TO speak disrespectfully to, about or of him.
I will have more soon.
I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me!

Friday, 16 March 2007

I made a mistake

Well, I finished my book YEAH MEEEE!!! WOW, that was tough! Lots of work. WE finished up the work on it together last night. Which included looking at the results of a 'test' that helped us find our individual needs so that we could work on fulfilling those for each other. Sounds simple and necessary. However, I think (after talking to my 'other sister') it was somewhat of a trap.
I'll explain. Tests are girly. I didn't really realize this when I asked him to take it. I wanted him to do it because I REALLY wanted to know how to make him happy (and I still do). However, now I realize the test wasn't the best way to do this. But, the book had me thoroughly convinced it was the only way.
First of all, I took the test immediately (girly) and waited for him to take it. It took a week. Of course, I took offense (girly). Then when he did take it, I read into each and every little thing he answered (girly). I am SURE that when he answered he didn't plan on that. He probably did put it off thinking that it would be difficult to put the 'right' answer down and be honest at the same time.
Poor guy. He is working SO hard at being completely honest with me. The most difficult part for him is emotional honesty. I thought having it in black and white would make it easier, maybe to some degree it did, until I got a hold of it in my GIRLY HEAD!!
So, he reads mine, it's what he expected and I read his and cry and cry because I don't feel I am anything he wants nor can I ever be (girly girl!!). Not to mention, I had no idea of some of the things he thinks about me.
WRONG.
As the book (Love and Respect) will get to, we think Pink, they think Blue. Even though we are looking and reading the exact same words, they are interpreted differently in our brains. We are girls, they are boys. PERIOD.
The truth is, I should have just been, and I was and am trying to be thankful for his effort and for his honesty. We got a lot of work done last night. That test was more of a block than breaking the wall down.
As my 'other sister' said, I need to worry about living as Christ, not as some test tells me to. That will lead me straight to my husband's heart.
book title available upon request

Tuesday, 06 March 2007

A few misc things I learned reading today...

* Never expect the other person to suffer or sacrifice so that your need can be met.
* Care is what we do, not what we feel.
* YOU MUST BE EACH OTHER'S GREATEST SOURCE OF HAPPINESS IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE.
* Spend quality time together. That means UNDIVIDED attention. No kids, friends, tv, or other distractions. Recommended amount for a HEALTHY couple...15 hours a week!
* This is one of the most difficult assignments this therapist gives.
* It takes weeks to reap the benefits.
* If you choose to spend your most enjoyable leisure time apart, you not only miss an opportunity to build mutual love, but it could open your relationship up to an affair. Your love for each other should be more important than ANY leisure activity. One of the quickest ways to become bored with each other is to have more interesting things to do when you are apart. If your spouse doesn't enjoy doing it, give it up.
WHAT????
I don't know about that last one...comments????